My trusty butler, Gilbert, whom you’ll remember from that little fumbling episode whilst searching my cellar for a bottle of 1989 Chateau Lafite Rothschild, has alerted me to a slanderous comment on your web-log. As you know, I am not a fan of the modern-day Babbage machine; I prefer to glean all the news of the Empire from the crisp, ironed pages of The Times.

Gilbert showed me a copy of your latest entry and I am apoplectic with rage. To remind you – for you are a sparrow-minded gentleman at the best at times – your latest entry suggests that I have little conversation other than subject of my extraordinary friendship with the marvellous Dr. Appleborough. As you know, I am always happy to confess that I do indeed have a deep-rooted admiration for the Doctor but I take great exception to your comments Daft. I can converse on a wide range of subjects with the lowest manservant to the highest levels of the Aristocracy. Only the other day I chatted for hours with a young fellow on the highway between Bristol and Gloucester. I do not recall the exact nature of our conversation but, as a consequence of our discourse, I am now a member of a wonderful gentlemen’s club called G.A.Y. I am led to believe this stands for “Gentlemen and their Yarns”. So there you have it Daft, proof if any is needed, that I am indeed a fellow with a varied palette!

So, Daft, I expect a full apology to be published in your next web-log entry. I shall instruct Gilbert to look out for it. And as you know, Gilbert has a beady eye.

Most sincerely
Your friend

Sir Tumper Dung