Lord William Daft

I have just returned from a little jaunt to Rome. I do enjoy patronising our European cousins and regaling them with tales about the magnificence of our Empire.

When in Rome, I would never dream to do as the Romans do. Instead I amble to the Tevi Fountain and lead the assembled throng in a proud rendition of ‘Rule Britannia’ which they all seem to enjoy.

My aim for this particular jaunt was to add to my collection of classic sculptures. I had been inspecting my country estate two weeks ago, and noticed that my morning room was a little bare.

I immediately rang the bell and my supercilious butler appeared so quickly that I suspect he must have been spying on me. I ordered him to pack my portmanteau and we were soon aboard the steam train.

I had a very successful trip bribing, pilfering and where absolutely neccessary, procuring some classic Roman sculptures. My morning room is now so full I can barely enter it without being poked by some protruding marble digit.