Imbibing and Feasting

It has been some time since my last journal. For this, dear readers, I must humbly apologise. I could offer many excuses such as indolence, fecklessness, loucheness and being in an opiate haze.

However, I must tell the truth; which is that my ghastly Aunt Canute has been trying to fix me up with a Lady. I will tell you more of this in all its sordid detail another time.

For now, I must write of food as it has been so courteously requested by the esteemed Lady Piles Collarbone.

“Dear Lord Daft,” she said, “you are a well known glutton and I am sure that the populace would like to know what you eat. Do write, oh please do,” she proclaimed. At first, I was far too foppish to be bothered, but on further consideration I thought that the peasants of our nation should know how I eat so that they can vicariously enjoy my indulgences.

I normally have breakfast at the crack of dawn; as eleven bells strike on the Grandfather Clock. Firstly, a Bloody Mary (half vodka, half worcester sauce and a dash of tomato juice) awakens me and reminds me of the previous evening japes. I then eat a hearty breakfast of poached quails eggs, smoked rabbit and wild boar sausages smothered in hollandaise sauce.

This hearty fare up keeps me going for an hour or two before I take a hansom down to The Club for a spot of billiards and humorous banter with the chaps. Luncheon soon follows. Steak and Kidney Pudding, Sponge Pudding and a flagon of claret sets me up for the afternoon. I may wash this down with an ale to prevent me getting too dehydrated.

Afternoon tea is the one part of the day that is a duty. Some dull relation demands my attendance at some harrowing social occasion. Having to be courteous is so very taxing with only a hot buttered muffin and a cup of Earl Grey for comfort. However, I normally take my leave within twenty minutes and saunter back to the club for dinner.

I can rarely remember what I perchance devour for dinner as it is normally quite late and I always seem to find myself a little hazy.

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