Lady B Is Going On a Jaunt to Borneo

Lady B is doing what all fine Ladies should do once in one’s life, and that is to go on an adventure.

She will leave her parasol behind and don her finest tweed for an exploration of the jungle. Her plan is to help the orangutans who reside in the jungle. She hopes that she can learn from them in order to gain a better understanding of how our very own working class live.

In this way, she will be able to return with novel thoughts as to how best patronise her tenants. Indeed, she owns vast swathes of tenements in Bristol and it is her ambition to increase their rents without them resorting to rioting. A few weeks in the jungle should prepare her very well.

She has been advised by the clerks who run this adventure, that she must attain a certain level of fitness. Lady B may mesmerise the chaps with her prowess in the ballroom, but at all other times she leads a sedate life and is carried hither and thither in a sedan chair by her long suffering footmen.

To walk through the jungle, albeit for the benefit of England, will be a trial. However, her upper lip is stiff and I have no doubt that she will bear her burdens with the fortitude that is the hallmark of all God-fearing English folk.

I am advised that she will have a team of lackeys who will carry her tea caddies, pull her new open air carriage and carry her trunks filled with ball gowns. She is absolutely determined that life in the jungle will not compromise the comforts that she is accustomed to. Indeed, natives are already preparing for her arrival by clearing a part of the jungle for her ballroom.

Whigs and revolutionaries may say this is an unnecessary expense. However, it is the English way to retain all creature comforts abroad, both for the benefit for us as rulers, and also for the benefit of the indigenous population. By seeing our customs, they will willingly embrace our ways and entreat us to colonise them for their own good.

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