I must complain most vigorously about the appalling way I have been misrepresented in your most recent article. For a long time you have kept us all amused with your rambling observations, vivid recollections and unsound pronouncements. It is no secret that you are not one to let the facts get in the way of a good story, I feel however that just now you have gone too far.
You have clearly been ignoring your physicians advice regarding your wine consumption and the effect it is having on your increasingly erratic behaviour. As your friend I feel obliged to address a few inconsistencies in your last article.
When I called on you the other evening, it was clear from your flushed complexion and slightly dishevelled look that you had spent most of the day at the club. Your butler barely had time to take my cane before you bundled me into the dinning room. Pouring your self a large brandy and in a most animated fashion you told me about your new political ambitions, you, Lord William Daft, had set your sights on the office of Mayor!
I don’t think you heard me point out that this office was unlikely to excuse you the quite considerable debts accumulated at the club, you just seemed to get increasingly excited.
You write that you were invited to add a “soupcon of style”, can I remind you that it was me who pointed out that it is not the done thing to whistle during the largo and one certainly does not ponder out loud during the more pianissimo sections if the orchestra know a “quick march”. Still, I enjoyed myself enormously and I had no idea what fiendish plan you had cooked up until I saw you invite that dear old lady to the balcony.
Really, Daft, what got into you man? It’s less than a month to the elections and it is simply not the way to deal with ones political opponents. Racing up the steps I was just able to catch her Worship’s arm and, whilst not the most gracious of descents, there were no bones broken and after some smoothing of lapels and adjusting of collars we continued as if nothing had happened.
Now, I read that you, my friend of many years, are accusing me of trying to despatch the Feudal Lord Bailiff, this is simply not true.

Your obedient servant

Boogaloo D’Ormant