The Association Football Tournament

The hoi polloi are becoming rather over excited by an impending tournament in our Cape Colony. Emporiums are being decked with the flag of St George in an attempt to encourage the great unwashed to buy more cider and gruel.

Many of you would suspect that I disapprove of such behaviour. On the contrary, I welcome such patriotism. This event keeps the peasants from hatching revolutionary plans such as getting the vote. It enables my steward to work them harder and put their rents up whilst their minds are diverted elsewhere.

The best Club in town

I do find elections rather jolly. All that shouting and egg hurling at hustings. It is a relief that due to to my blue blood, my forbears earnt my place in the Lords.

However, for second eldest sons and commercial types gaining membership of the best chaps Club in town is without a doubt worth the odd rotten egg in the face every five years. Parliament permits them a vague feeling that they are helping the wealthy get wealthier, to drink free claret and to spend copious amounts of the Exchequer’s funds on show girls.

I own two MP’s. I also have another borough where due to those do-gooding Whigs and The Great Reform Act, I now have to consider the wishes of 146 voters. Fortunately, most vote the way I tell them, but some independent minded firebrands need a bottle or two of mead before they come around to my way of thinking.

As the election looms, I shall inform you what my policies are and a contract that I will sign, outlining my promises to you, the Great Unwashed.